It feels like there’s no civilised way to deal with rejection…   Leave a comment


Maybe I’m a loser, but I don’t have to be pathetic!!

This isn’t really a “How To” question… but I just would like someone to listen! A shoulder to cry on, maybe…

I hate having to say this, but I’m not very good at my job.

I had a crush on a female colleague of mine. It didn’t take her long to see that I was performing poorly at work. Now, this beautiful young woman is hanging around with another guy – and as it happens, he’s a guy I CANNOT STAND… I don’t know if they’re officially “dating”… and I don’t want to know… All I know is I’m never going to ask her out now…

At the moment, it feels like I’m never going to meet another woman as amazing as her ever again… And I tell myself that I’ve felt this way before, about several other women in the past, and I’ve always met someone more interesting… Still, at the moment, it feels like I had something – I had a chance, and I totally screwed up… I mean I didn’t just “screw up”, I chickened out… (that was painful to say, but – there – I said it… finally I’m learning to turn around and face up at defeat, rather than running away like a coward).

I realise I have only myself to blame. If I was any better at my job, maybe she’d show some interest in me… I mean, initially, she did show some interest… but like I said, I lacked the confidence in myself to woo/court her properly… This other guy, although I find him INCREDIBLY irritating and unbelievably shallow, all things considered, he’s better at his job than I am… Yeah – it’s painful to admit that, but it’s true…

Like I said, I realise I have only myself to blame. It STILL doesn’t make it easy for me… Every time I see her with this other guy, it’s really painful… I have to look away, quite literally…

Still, we’re a bunch of professionals, and we’ve got to keep things “civil”, i.e., we’ve got to exchange the routine social greetings, etc… That’s also quite difficult – it’s incredibly painful and utterly HUMILIATING to have to wave and smile at people who make me feel like a total loser… It’s difficult to have to pretend that I’m not bothered…

Earlier today, I gave her the cold shoulder… I mean, I literally avoided eye contact when she tried to say something to me… I fear this may have been the last straw that has probably irreparably damaged whatever relationship we may have had… Still, I couldn’t bring myself to pretend that I was not bothered – either way, I can’t win in this situation… DAMN, it’s painful…

I’ve promised myself I’m going to work harder at my job. Maybe this is the last time that I’ll have to blame myself. In future, if I have to deal with rejection, at least I’ll know it wasn’t my own fault. Still, FOR NOW, it’s really difficult to have to face these colleagues of mine. The worst part is, I’m going to have to work with them at least for the next 6 months…

I have to say, for a while (as a matter of fact, for several YEARS – that’s right, several YEARS), I was having real difficulties with staying focussed and motivated at work. Now, after a long, long time, following this humiliation, I find myself genuinely wanting to work harder and do better. Maybe when the next young woman comes along, she’ll admire me for my professionalism and self-assuredness. Even if I get rejected for some other reason, I can take it. It wouldn’t be so painful if it wasn’t my fault (as I know it is in this case). So maybe, just maybe, something good has come out of this episode… I don’t know…

But I guess I’m learning to face defeat like a man… rather than shouting “sour grapes” like a sore loser… It’s painful, but I’ll face it…

(Sorry for that ramble… but I just had to say it… I don’t have anyone close to me that I can talk to about this… therefore I thought I’d post it here… so sorry if it seems inappropriate/incoherent…

Thanks for “listening”!).

Posted 8 December, 2012 by the wannabe writer in Uncategorized

Open access to “Archives of Sexual Behavior” (scientific journal) until the end of December   Leave a comment


Yes, thats’ right, and here’s the link.

Posted 8 December, 2012 by the wannabe writer in Uncategorized

Comparing the pornography “industry” in India with elsewhere…   Leave a comment


Okay, so I’m basically disappointed with the quality of pornography produced in India as compared with that elsewhere…

Compare this

Deidre Holland and Rocco Siffredi

with… well, I actually couldn’t find any clips of Indian-made pornography that I would want to put on my blog…

I wonder what can be done to improve the quality of Indian pornography productions…

I wonder if there were better laws to protect the safety of female performers and services to protect their health and well-being, maybe they could recruit better performers?

Of course, money is another very important factor, no doubt.

I think it would be interesting to have a discussion on this topic. I’ll be discussing it at http://www.Literotica.com and http://www.exbii.com.

So, I’d welcome your input… any info you can share on the workings of the industry in India, and the industry elsewhere, is welcome…

The thread on exbii.com

The thread on literotica.com

Posted 7 May, 2012 by the wannabe writer in Uncategorized

I’m testing…   Leave a comment


Just to say, you mind find this blog to be in an odd state… I’m currently testing things out… So bear with me, please.

Posted 16 March, 2012 by the wannabe writer in Uncategorized

How would you feel if you found out you were conceived from donor sperm?   Leave a comment


So what’s your opinion on this? Do people conceived through donor sperm have an automatic right to know it? Should they have the right to know/meet their biological father? Does it not amount to disrespect to the social father who raises the person? What’s your opinion?

I don’t know how I would feel if I was told that I was conceived from donor sperm, but as it happens, I wasn’t… But I think I wouldn’t want to know who the donor was… So personally, my opinion is that people don’t have any automatic right to know…

Posted 17 January, 2010 by the wannabe writer in General musings/ramblings...

Some thoughts on writing erotica…   1 comment


Okay folks… so let’s talk a little about writing erotica… this post is based largely on a post I made here.

Now, I’m interested in soft stuff, really… So no BDSM, no incest, no rape, nothing kinky… just soft, romantic stories… In fact, I like to keep the language soft, too… so you might think that my language is sometimes too flowery… but I prefer flowery to coarse/crude…

These are just my ideas… they seem to work for me… well, to some extent, at least… I’d like to invite you guys to share your thoughts…

(1) Write in a language that you are comfortable with. In my case, that happens to be English.

(2) Art takes time and effort, so be prepared to write, then re-write/revise/edit, etc…. as long, and as many times as it takes… Remember, Shakespeare certainly didn’t write his plays in a day, and likewise with Beethoven and his sonatas and symphonies… (Now, I’m not going to pretend that my work has any great artistic merit, but I try to make my work at least a little more sophisticated than clinical, stream-of-consciousness style descriptions of cold sexual encounters, and I’ve found that it can take quite some effort)…

(3) Work out the general plot of the story first. Then work out the structure of the story – break the story down into separate scenes, and maybe even separate sex acts. Then develop each scene by itself, and then work on connecting the scenes to each other.

(4) I’ve found that it can be helpful to plan/write a story in reverse order… i.e., work out how I want my story to end, i.e. not just what the last event in the story is, but also what kind of mood I want to finish the story with… i.e. do I want the reader to feel happy, or do I want the reader to feel touched/moved by the experiences of the character(s) in my stories, etc. and then try and work backwards for a little bit… i.e., write some of the scenes in reverse chronological order… So I may actually start by writing the last scene(s) first…

(5) Just continuing from the previous point, I think it’s important to convey a sense of mood to the reader… This requires attention… of course, it’s important to describe the characters’ moods, thoughts, emotions, etc., but it’s also important to describe the scene(s) as a whole… the locations, the lighting, the smells, sounds, time of the day, season, music, etc.

(6) Maybe one way to add a sense of realism would be to specify a date and time for the story, and add some real-world events related to the time in the story, i.e. if I was writing a story set in 2006, I might add a scene where one of the characters was watching a match from the 2006 Association Football World Cup (that’s the “Soccer” World Cup to those of you from North America)…

(7) I like to try and add some detail to the story, just to make it more realistic and believable… I like to try and develop the characters in my story to such an extent that the reader can understand what kind of person the character is… so I may describe, for example, a character’s favourite song, or their favourite food, or their conversations with their close friends, etc. and I try to base these things on real people… and it can also help to describe a character’s dislikes… It’s all about realism

(8) I think that if a character’s behaviour in a “non-sexual” situation is described in detail, then the reader can better understand the character, and can better understand the character’s behaviour in a sexual situation. So, e.g. I may describe a scene where a somewhat timid character is on her first day at work in a new office, etc., and I may describe her nervousness, and how she may feel a little awkward being in a totally new environment, and so later on during the sex scenes, when she feels awkward again, the reader can understand why she feels this way – because she’s a bit of a shy person by nature, etc.

(9) Some points may have to be stated multiple times, in slightly different ways, to reinforce a point to the reader. e.g. When I write a story, I may state several times that the female protagonist in the story is a kind-hearted woman, rather than just describing her personality at the start of the story and then carrying forward without any further emphasis on that point. So, e.g. I may state that the start of the story that the heroine is a kind person, and later I may describe her as a very caring person, and then I may describe an event or an incident where she actually shows her kindness to others – I mean, the point is, I will try to convey quite clearly to the reader what my story’s heroine is like.

(10) A picture is worth a thousand words. In some cases, when I feel that words simply aren’t sufficient to convey the image I have in my imagination, I just have to use a picture to – literally – visually illustrate what I’m writing about. I intend to actually draw my scenes myself. Of course this will take time, but I told you so already.

(11) Sometimes, I find it helps to focus the attention on one person – this is usually the heroine of my story – of course, I will describe the actions of all the characters in my story, but when it comes to describing the inner thoughts of the characters, one character’s thoughts and emotions will be described more closely than others’.

(12) I think it’s important to describe the “arousal” phase as well as the “climax” and after scenes… i.e. it’s important to describe the scenes immediately before the sex scenes… how the characters’ begin to feel aroused, how the tension builds in the air, the tremendously urgent need for a release, and then the sex scene begins… and likewise, when the characters reach orgasm, their sense of satisfaction and feeling(s) of fulfilment should be described…

(13) Sometimes, it can help to use the approach used in films and TV shows, where there’s an opening scene where there’s something about to happen, but it may not appear to make complete sense to the viewer(s) because they don’t know the back story/background… but it introduces the tension straight away, and then the narration can cut back to earlier stages in the story, so you’ve grabbed the reader’s interest/attention…

These are just some of my thoughts… I’m sure you guys will have your own thoughts to add, I await your input, folks…

Regards.

Posted 17 January, 2010 by the wannabe writer in Thoughts on writing

I’m still setting up…   Leave a comment


Yes, so I hope to use this blog to discuss erotica and various other things… So please do visit again!!!

Posted 12 January, 2010 by the wannabe writer in General musings/ramblings...

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